May Moments {instagram style}

a pedicure with my sweet age 12 daughter. Not only is she beautiful,
but she has her mom's rapier wit :D

dinner out, just my 3 chickens and me

already a man with a discerning palate, age 7 son having
whole grain pasta and pellegrino for lunch on the patio

the morning of school, when I was so proud of how diligently and quietly my age 10 son
was doing his schoolwork
...........until I looked at what I thought was his spelling assignment :-/
{definite 'A' for effort, though}

my early Mother's Day card from my age 10 son,
that had $1 cold  hard cash enclosed

i came home from the gym one night only to find that
 my little blog had had over 1.000 page views while I was gone.  Little did I know
that Hershey's had somehow found my recipe and posted it to their
FB fanpage.




Have any favorite May moments you're dying to tell me about?!
Do share!!

Road Trip Playlist & Transparency Week

Time for the weekly recap of this week on the blog. As I was thinking about it this morning, I thought,
{I know you love my inner monologue}

'sheesh, this was like 'transparency week' or something'


{end of deep thoughts}

If you don't know what I mean....

First post this week: An Outfit Post gone pretty wrong

Second post of the week: To Obesity and Back Again

Third post of the week: My Faith and saying it all

It was a good week, but in retrospect a bit emotionally exhausting to put it all out there.

Now THE FUN PART of this post---------->

Perhaps you haven't heard {and there's no way you WOULD have heard, but it just seemed like a cute way to start the sentence} but I'm exactly ONE week away from a road trip!!

to the beach ...

EyePoetryPhotography

for a week......

Just my best friend and me.....

Jenaardell


Ummmm, YES. There is much excitement.

Here's what I'm thinking..... Sixteen hours in the car with my bestie?  We need some killer music!  I have a few songs in mind already, but I would LOVE it if you would weigh in with one, or two, or ten suggestions.  What do you think of as quintessential road music? I can't wait to hear your suggestions!

Today I Say It All

My husband and I had a conversation a little while ago.  It was sparked by the Saturday Night Live Tim Tebow sketch.   Which, if you're not familiar with it, poked fun at Tim Tebow for always giving credit to Jesus for everything.

My husband, playing devil's advocate, posed a question to the effect of  'do you think that non Christians DO think it sounds a bit crazy? There are PLENTY of people who accomplish PLENTY of amazing things seemingly without God or Jesus."

I paused. And I looked at him. And in the moment's pause before I answered him, a hundred million thoughts went flying through my busy brain because this very topic is one that I have thought about.  My response to my husband went something like this,

Just because people don't acknowledge God, doesn't mean that their gifts, talents, opportunities, and the ability to use them all  don't come from Him.  


I paused and looked at him.


And maybe Tim Tebow says what he can.  Maybe he doesn't have the time or the opportunity to always say all that that he could, so he says what he can.  I get it. {and this is where the tears came, because honestly, never can I really talk about Jesus without the rawness of my emotions showing through}


I get it. I get what he means because


All that I am......


ALL THAT I AM as a woman, a wife, a mom, and whatever else that I am, I owe to Jesus.  I know who I was before and I know that any good that is in me now is because of Him and who He is making me for His glory.. 


I bring up this conversation with my husband to say:  Unlike Tim Tebow, if I can't say it all I don't say anything.

Today I will say it all.

Everything good that I am and anything good that I do I owe to Jesus.

Before I began a relationship with God through Jesus I was a MESS.

Hot. Mess.

depressed, with anger buried so deep within me it had become part of my identity, a chronic emotion stuffer, addicted to food, completely paralyzed by perfectionism, and I was a serious self loather.... I had no dreams, had no resources within me to accomplish anything including a higher education. I was such an emotional mess that I literally could not get out of my own way.

for real. this was me in a nutshell. FOR. REAL.

Living in the light of God's love and knowing that Jesus gave His life so that I could have a new one has changed me moment by moment, day by day, from the inside out. For real and for true. I'm not finished, by any stretch of the imagination, but I am healing. And I'm starting to grab hold of all that He has planned for me.

He is the life in my life. The reason that I am alive. He is peace. He is joy. He is all.

So, if you come here and think I look "fit", or are touched by a blog post, or know me from twitter and think I am "nice" or "sweet",  or you think my jewelry is pretty, I'll always say thank you......
but today I will also say,

I owe it all to Jesus. My marriage, my family, my blog, my business......

I owe it all to Jesus.

Without cliche, without pretense, with all the gratitude a heart could ever hold,

I owe my life to Jesus.

To Obesity and Back Again {Discouragements}

Who's the crazy lady at 6am at the gym with her Nikon?

This was me just about 10 1/2 years ago. Definitely NOT at my biggest
but pictures of me at my biggest are practically nonexistent
{my weight was in the 260's range here}

Still no thin mint, but healthy and fit and most likely able to identify
with you  in most or all of your weight struggles

let's see.......if I turn to the side, my breeding hips don't look quite so wide..... :D

I would like to begin a conversation. 

Could we do that?

Some of you have been with me long enough to know about my weight struggles. You can read a little about my obesity and weight loss here. At one point in my life I did weigh almost 300 pounds.  It has taken me over 10 years to get from where I was to where I am.   It has been a process of growth, patience, learning, failing at times, and starting all over again. All with the end goal of being the very best version of me that I can be.

It is just lately that I have come to realize that I am passionate about encouraging other women in their fitness and weight loss goals. Like, passionate-brings-me-to-tears, PASSIONATE because I know how painful it was for me to be significantly overweight, and just how many areas of my life it effected.

Sometimes I see women just starting in the gym who have a significant amount of weight to lose. Almost always their body language and facial expressions read something like "this is miserable...I have too far to go...I don't know where to start...it won't be long before I fail."  And then, I will notice that a few weeks later, maybe a month, I don't see them anymore.  EVERY time I see one of these women, I am desperate to come alongside her and tell her,

"you CAN do this. It WILL be hard. It WILL take time. You MAY fail at times. But in the end, it will be worth it and it will change your life"  

Of course, these Hallmark movie moments never actually happen {just in my vivid imagination}But,  I DO  make sure to smile at them, and if I notice that they need help using equipment, I will offer to help.

This brings me to the conversation part......

It OBVIOUSLY has not taken me over a decade to get where I am because I have done everything correctly.  There have definitely been many failures, setbacks, and discouragements.

Today I would like to talk about discouragements.

One of the things that has discouraged me the most in my pursuit of getting fit {and still even now threatens to discourage me at times} is comparison. A times, comparison has discouraged me to the point of wanting to give up, give in, and live the old way.

Comparing my self to images in the media.
Comparing myself and my body to other women.
Comparing myself to the vision of myself in my head of how I SHOULD look, considering how hard I work.
Comparison......

Do you have weight struggles?  Do you find that there are definite things in you or your life that discourage you from moving forward for good?  What is your biggest discouragement?  I would love to hear about YOU.  {if it is uncomfortable for you to leave personal information in a blog comment, you are always welcome to email me.  Even if you just need to vent, or have any questions, I'm just a click away. XO}

The Trouble With Blogging {an outfit post}

a funny title for an outfit post, I know.

This post sort of typifies part of my troubles with blogging.

Yesterday, I was determined to take pics for an outfit post.

despite the fact that.....

~I was extremely bloated and cranky {you know what I'm talking about girls}

~It was really hot, so the minute I stepped out my door, I started to sweat.
and I don't "glisten"......
I sweat.

 ~My feet were KILLING me AND the heels were digging into the grass.  I LITERALLY hobbled out to the yard and the photographer {age 12 daughter} kept saying
"you look like you're going to fall over" .........the whole time.....over and over again.....
while I was sweating,
and falling over,
and trying to coach her in her photography......
and, did I mention there was crankiness and bloatedness involved?

~smiling was out of the question for this post. {see all of the above}

 This brings me to the point. So often I intend to blog. I have a picture of how the pics/post will go in my mind.  Then, when everything doesn't go perfectly and lovely, I'm left without a post. Thus 2 1/2 years of spotty posting. {perfectionist much?}

But, I'm seeing now that my blog may not be one of the lovely ones. The identity of my blog may be entirely different. It may be a 'let's go see what this nut has going on today'  blog.

That's fine with me.  I'll be the first one to let my crazy hang out all over the place, ESPECIALLY if it can make you smile, and DOUBLE especially if some days you can identify with my lunacy.

This is what REALLY happens when this 30-something mom of three, with very little extra time to fiddle with such things as outfit posts tries to do one with her daughter as the photographer in 90 degree weather and hormones raging......

I only got ONE usable picture and it's tough for me even to use it because I think my thighs and butt look larger than life, my outfit actually looks a little on the sloppy side, and my CANKLES......don't even get me started.

But HEY, it's real and it's me....

I do think the bracelets look cute, no?

 Doesn't it make you feel good just to know there are crazies like me even in existence??  Thoughts?

                         I love your comments! {{and now I can reply!!}}

P.S.  I was SO sidetracked by the  fiasco factor of it all, I almost forgot: Tank: J.CREW, Jeans: GAP,  Shoes: I forgot and frankly, I'm not getting up to look right now, and  Bracelets: my own & a twillypop.

Etsy Favorites Friday {Chevron}

I feel like I will never get enough chevron.

I want to take a bath in chevron.

Seriously, CANNOT look at chevron enough.

Oh. And yellow and gray. and chevron.



From top to bottom:
1-eclu
2-Redtilestudio
3-YellowHeartArt
4-HoneyPieDesign
5-RougeandWhimsy

LOVE chevron, or SO over it?? You KNOW I love your comments!

Thanks for stopping by, hope your weekend is restful & beautiful!

Giving Up On Clean

Today, I'm linking up with The Tiny Twig and naptime diaries to talk about giving up on good.

In other words, giving up something that is a good thing, in order to prioritize that which is really important and dispell the myth that we women 'should be able' to do it all well.

I pounced on this topic when I happed upon a tweet from naptime diaries yesterday because not only have I struggled with this as a christian woman, wife, and mom, but know countless other women who struggle to fit into some sort of 'superwoman' mold.

Today I want to tell you that the good I have chosen to give up {for now} is a clean house.

*GASP*

Once upon a time I was a brand new christian, wife, and mom. And I had a clean house.  Most days, trying to keep it clean made me miserable. and frustrated. and distracted. and did I mention frustrated?  Moments with my babes eluded me as I tried to keep a clean house........

A 'you could eat off my floors' house.

A 'looked like a magazine shoot' every night before I went to bed house.

There is nothing inherently wrong with a clean house, but for me it was an idol. And it was all about me. I wanted the cleanest, prettiest house of them all. I would have tried to tell you that it was for God's glory but, it really had nothing to do with Him.

It has been over the course of many years that God has gradually shown me that my clean house was really only for me. And  only led to frustration and toil. I will even go so far as to admit that the problem was not even as much in the actual act of cleaning, as in the attitudes of my heart that it lead to.

My husband doesn't care.  He doesn't even notice the difference in the house from the days I  scour and slave, to the days when we only pick up quickly 15 minutes before he gets home....

He would much rather have time with me than a clean house.

My kids certainly don't care.  They would much rather have a walk, cuddles, or a game of farkle than any amount of clean house.

That is not to say that we live in complete disarray, but as far as the house being magazing ready at a moment's notice? Forget about it.

Freedom. and permission to enjoy. my kids. my husband. fitness. my business.  my life.

 life abundant.

This freedom has helped eliminate much frustration, and helped me to be able to breathe in   moments that are so quickly fleeing.

I would rather:

revel in their creativity

cuddle on the couch.......
in the MIDDLE of the day!

Hold hands and chat in the early hours of the day

Date them...

leave their lego creations on the dining room table for DAYS
because I KNOW the day will come when there will be no legos
on the floor to puncture our feet.

For me, giving up the good simply meant relaxing about the cleanliness of the house.  I readily admit that I'm still not perfect in this area {or in any other for that matter}  but I KNOW that there have been many more moments of enjoyment than what might have been.

I homeschool, I workout, I have a handmade business, I spend OODLES of time with my kids and my husband, but I DO NOT keep a clean house.

DO NOT do it all.

As my eldest child turned 12 just last week,  I can honestly say that not even a little part of me looks back on the last 12 years and thinks, "I wish I had spent more time cleaning the house"


Have you found there is an area of your life where you have had to give up the good, in order to prioritize what is really important?

P.S. This is only the tip of the 'good' iceberg that I have given up, so stay tuned :)